When I Close My Eyes, I See My Son Screaming
Sarah Begum, aged 60, is one of the thousands of grieving and grief-stricken mothers of Kashmir whose son Fayaz Ahmad Mir, aged 28, was detained by the Indian security forces, amidst a dark night of August 3, 2019. Mir had been charged under Public Safety Act (PSA) and had been kept in jail far away from his hometown.
As per reports the Indian forces brutally barged into their house and picked up her son from his room. Besides taking him away from her, they also took away her peace. Since then Ms. Begum is heartbroken and in a state of deep shock. Her mental and emotional state worsens with each passing day. According to her family, she is now dependent on antidepressants, such as sertraline and lithium. She tried twice to commit suicide, once by consuming rat poison and again by jumping into a river.
“When I close my eyes,” Ms. Begum said, “I see my son shouting, ‘Mother, I want to see you.” Ms. Begum’s hands tremble and her lips quiver as she speaks. “I may never see my son again,” she said. “I feel I will die before he comes back home.” Ms. Begum, increasingly demoralized, said her son had been stolen from her. She sees her son in dreams, his face covered in bandages, his hands shaking in fear.
It’s very complicated to depict what a mother could feel, when her son suddenly got picked up by the cruel security forces, without even explaining the charges for which he had been arrested, and that too in front of her eyes.
She explained that he had been charged under Public Safety Act (PSA) and has been kept in jail which is hundreds of miles away from their hometown and they have not enough money to travel to visit him.
It’s been months since August lockdown, the Kashmiri mothers are still desperately waiting for their sons to come back home. Such hopelessness brings severe psychological disorders among them. People who were recently released spoke of the humiliation and fear they experienced behind bars. By detaining these innocent boys, the Indian government discourages their will to fight for their rights. These young boys are frustrated regarding their rights and identity. They are afraid to sleep in their own homes. Mothers are traumatized due to losing their young ones.
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